Let's get real: Public Restroom Ground Rules

Here's what I'm thinking. Over the past couple of years, I have used public restrooms almost every day. As a functioning adult at a world class university, I have also noticed patterns of human behavior within these public restrooms. (as well as caught myself falling into some of the same patterns) Allow me to explain a few of these.

1. The wait-it-out: You enter the restroom, and there is already someone using the facilities. You pick a stall, and go about your business - but you can't help but notice the dead silence that has engulfed the restroom. I call this the wait-it-out. Especially in a workplace or school, the person obviously does not want to take the chance of finishing their business and running into you at the sinks...in case you are indeed acquaintances, or worse yet, colleagues. This would be obviously embarrassing (or so they assume) so the best solution is to pretend that they're not there.

2. The embarrassing-noises cover: This situation is much like the first one, however the sound ceases only until you flush. The ruckus of flushing is a perfect cover for any embarrassed restroom patron that needs to make any kind of attention-getting noise. (Think: sanitary products, flatulence, or even the ever-embarrassing second or third flush to prevent a plumbing disaster.)

3. The toilet-paper crisis: It happens to the best of us. We carefully select a stall to use, not realizing it is out of toilet paper. The gutsy ones will ask someone next to them for toilet paper. The rest of us wait it out, until the commotion has died down or until we have finished panicking, and consider (as I assume) retrieving some from the next stall over. Many times have I used a public restroom and figured that the patron in stall B is in crisis.

4. The oh-no-I-clogged-it panic: Have you ever flushed, only to realize that it's just not your day? Maybe this has happened right after your movie at the Mexaplex got out, the symphony is at intermission, or your flight just landed - either way, the restroom is packed. You can't just slink out of the restroom unnoticed. There is a solid, never-ending line of women waiting for YOUR stall. Obviously, the only thing you can do is wait until the restroom has cleared out a little. Showing your face is out of the question.

These circumstances given, I pose the question: why? Why do we do this? As the infamous childhood book instructs, "everybody poops." How, after all these years of evolution and intellectual exploration, are we still embarrassed of our bodily functions?

So. Funny.

Just something I noticed. :)