While boys are gallivanting on missions...

I have 12% battery life. Let's do this.

So being an LDS young woman in a prominently LDS area/school is interesting. I came to college just like any other doe-eyed 18 year old, with dreams of pizza, dating, and extra long twin beds. After a successful year of independence and way too much stress, the summer returns and we all parted ways until the next semester.

At least the female portion of my age group did.

The males, however, had persevered through the tedious process of submitting their mission papers, and receiving their personalized mission calls to faraway (and some not so faraway) lands. During the summer, they each departed for their 2 year adventures one by one. Upon my return, they were (of course) all gone. As I tried to resume my normal college life, it was hard to forget those people with whom I spent every day. To liven up the ordeal, a fresh shipment of newly returned missionaries returned to school to reacquaint themselves with the pizza, dating, and extra long twin beds that they had left behind before I even showed up to campus.

Thus we have the LDS cycle. But what about the girls? We watch them all come and go. We reflect on all those adolescent/teenage young women's lessons about supporting the priesthood, and supporting our peers to serve missions. What are we doing? While I'm stuck (abandoned, really) in school, stressing about ridiculous classes and some ambiguous future that will never happen exactly how I'll ever plan it, they're off on missions in Brazil, New Zealand, France, Costa Rica, and South Korea. A mission is no walk in the park, but come on. I don't think I realized that the 18-19 years are the last years that I'll ever really be on the same level with the opposite gender. By the time they get home, we're such completely different people, and so many have come and gone, that there's a fairly slim chance that we'll return to normality as we knew it.

And what about when you have your heart set on one? In two years, all of my day to day struggles will be laughable. Most of the time, all I want to do is talk to an anonymous person about my dismal lifestyle because I know that he's pretty much the only person that is so removed from the music department and everyone with whom I associate that all he'll be able to do is listen. And that's what I need. Too bad he's in an anonymous place.

But what's worse is that I'm here in Salt Lake City, betting my future on a boy that I've met one time, and who isn't in the frame of mind to understand my intentions. Let alone the fact that I can't just unload my issues on him. So many girls have this conflict. Until some newly returned young man dashes in and sweeps them off their feet.

Listen, young men. There will be no sweeping. I'm committed to living my life from random letter to random letter for the next 19 months.

btw. I'm married.

I forgot to mention...

I'm married! (Says facebook.)
You may now refer to me as Mrs. Cheston Bransford Newhall. :)

What a goober.
Side note: this was taken at band banquet. I got the award for most valuable vet musician. cute :)
Additional side note: this is the dress from a few postings ago! love it.

Happy almost-halfway-done-with-the-week day!

Lost: Soul mate. Reward: A collection of silly bands?

Fasten your seatbelts. You have a first class ticket to a glimpse of what my life has come to.

This evening, around 5 pm, as I was having an enthralling phone conversation with Alyse, I made my usual journey to the shuttle stop in front of the music building. On the bench, sat one young man whom I had never before seen - let's call him Chandler. Equipped with a grey backpack (a sign of intellect), and sporting a brown hoodie, black track pants, and white athletic sneakers, he glanced in my direction as I approached the stop and sat down on his side of the bench. I would be lying if I said I didn't consciously notice him between every "yeah" and "really?" of my phone call. The shuttle soon came, but not before Alyse and I talked about going to the temple sometime this week, debating which one to choose, and what time they each closed. I couldn't help but notice Chandler's sideways glances when I started to use the Mormon lingo. Yes, he was definitely Mormon as well. (Check mark #1) As Alyse and I hung up, the shuttle pulled up to the curb.

We climbed the shuttle steps, (In the brief "after you" moment before getting on, I desperately searched for a visual on the coveted left ring finger. The mission was a failure. Potential check mark #2) and I headed to the back where there were several open seats. After sitting down, I looked back towards the front. Unfortunately Chandler hadn't followed me, and chose the one open seat I had passed. Between text messages to Blythe, I continued to glance in Chandler's direction - mostly trying to make the final judgement call. Was he cute or not? In what seemed like the same moment that I decided he was, our eyes met. Thus began the awkward eye contact (Check mark #3) across the shuttle.

Approaching the institute, I shot a text message to Blythe: "There's a cute boy on the shuttle. We keep looking at each other. If he gets off at the institute, I'm getting off."

He didn't get off.

At the stop right before the Heritage Center, a large group of people got off. I had my fingers crossed that he would stay...and he did. But then I notice him grab an item from the floor, leaving his backpack behind, and bolts off the shuttle. I quickly look out the window from my terrible angle, and I get a visual of him handing a girl this item that she has apparently left behind. (Check mark #4) Chandler gets back on the shuttle, makes eye contact with me again, and the bus driver takes us on to the Heritage Center.

It's time to exit the bus, and at first I thought Chandler had crossed in front of the bus in direction to Officer's Circle (where I reside). He had gone out the front door, and I the back. Once I got my bearings, I saw him walking towards the HC, and opted to go follow him there for any potential interactions or introductions - rather than go home as planned. I needed to check my mail anyway. To make a long story short, we lost contact as he went upstairs to grab a meal. I wasn't hungry and figured I'd pursued it far enough, so I just checked my mail (Good thing! I got my order of silly bands!!) and headed home.

Which brings me to this: If you run into a clean cut, intelligent-looking, tall and slender Mormon between the shuttle stop in front of Kingsbury Hall and the dorms....I'm offering a reward. One of every kind of silly band that I own. If you know me, you know that's awesome.

I suppose that if this was BYU, our eye contact alone would have been a marriage proposal. Alas, this is what my life has come to. I'm blogging about a boy that makes ambiguous eye contact with me on a moving bus. Obviously, I'm stable.

The answer.

D&C 71:5-11

awesome.
good night.

Ghost hunting adventures!

On Saturday night, Alyse, Blythe and I set out on our first planned paranormal adventure in Salt Lake City.

The Smart House

With google on our phones, we started with a search in the avenues for Elizabeth Smart's house. It's located in Federal Heights, which is right next to campus. We knew it was next to the medical center, along the mountainside's big, flashing U. We drove up and down Federal Heights Drive, turning off onto Federal Heights Circle. At the end of the circle, there was a large stone fence/gate, with a security guard house and a "no tresspassing sign." It was tempting to just drive right in, as the gate was open, but we opted not to. Returning to our first path, we turned onto Fort Douglas Circle. This street seemed like the closest we'd gotten, and at the very end culdesac, we may have found it. Maybe we can go back in the daylight and get a better look. My gut tells me it's behind the huge gate, though.

Salt Lake City Cemetery

Next, we drove past the Salt Lake City Cemetery, which sits on top of the Avenues. Every prophet of the LDS church is buried here, along with many other prominent people in church history. It's truly a massive cemetery, spanning some insanely large amount of land. Well...we were on the search for this lunatic of man who sits atop his wife's tombstone every single night (in rain, sleet, snow...anything) in a white robe. Alyse had gone to see him three times before Saturday night, once in a blizzard, and he's always there. She told us that she goes back in the morning, and he's gone. If you drive up to the fence, you can see him about 3 or 4 rows in. The scariest part is first laying eyes on him. It's so insanely creepy. This man is truly insane. He has apparently been coming to the grave every single night for 10 years. People allegedly attempt to communicate with him, or bring him hot chocolate and blankets, and he completely ignores everyone. Even if they leave it at the fence, the hot chocolate will be untouched in the morning, and the blanket still folded. If you look really closely, you can see him occasionally moving his arms and being crazy. Alyse rolled Blythe's backseat window down a little bit, unannounced, and Blythe screamed. Even that didn't get the man's attention. He's psycho.

The Old Mill

After we were thoroughly spooked, we set off to Cottonwood Heights, about 15 minutes south of campus along the Wasatch, in search of the abandoned Old Mill. This was by far the most difficult establishment to find. I googled the address several times, and could never find anything concrete - only intersections that it was near. After much circling the area, and driving into a couple different national parks....we finally found it. It is apparently haunted by two men and a dog that were killed in the mill's first fire. I was particularly surprised by how close it is to the road. Many people venture inside of its fences and walls, but it was condemned by the city in 2005. There is also a $500 fine to anyone caught trespassing.

Gravity Hill

Our last destination for the evening was Salt Lake City's own Gravity Hill, next to the capitol building. The story is that back in the day, teenagers, etc would race along it's bendy U-turn shape, and lose control along one of its turns, killing themselves in a fatal crash. At a certain turn along this crazy hill, it's custom to stop the car and put it in neutral. The ghosts then supposedly push the car uphill, and out of Gravity Hill. We attempted this last semester, under Blythe's directions, and actually were pushed uphill (or so we think). On Saturday night, however, we decided to put baby powder on the back of Alyse's adorable Mazda and check it out after exiting Gravity Hill to see if there were any handprints from pushing the car. After putting the car in neutral, etc, we stopped in front of the Conference Center (good lighting) and checked it out. There should be some pictures on facebook. It was pretty interesting. The baby powder was all over the hatchback...from the ghosts? :)

Baby powder experiment

Needless to say, it was a fun, sketchy, and thrilling evening. You should give it a try! Our next adventure will be to find the old Children's hospital that burned down. I heard that you search and search and search for it, and then it just appears. Crazy!

Happy Martin Luther King Jr. Day!

I love this.

Neon Trees "Animal" from The Occidental Saloon on Vimeo.

Local Provo artist, Neon Trees.
Brilliant.

Post-meeting debriefing

Not to explain the whole entire story, but I met with my private lessons teacher yesterday afternoon for a good 30-35 minutes, and here are a few of my feelings regarding that meeting.

1. I want to be a music education major. I would have quit after keyboarding 1 if I didn't want to be here. Questioning my motives in a roundabout way is kind of insulting, considering how hard I try, and how much I gave up to come to this university.

2. I am not, nor will I ever be, a grade grubber. The only time that I will publicly question a grade is in a somewhat subjective class, when I want to understand what I can do better the next time. I will voice my opinion when I feel that I have been unjustly graded, but that does not need to result in a change of the grade. It should result in a conversation.

3. Yes, I am the student, and the teacher is the teacher. But when a student comes to you hurting, stressed, and frustrated, shouldn't that be a signal that something isn't working? When I'm a teacher, I don't think that I'll just reiterate my roles as a teacher and go on about my business when a student comes to me. After all, I am a human being.

4. The hardest thing for me to deal with is the fact that it feels like my teacher put me on the spot yesterday and ultimately asked me if I was going to remain a music major because I am "stuck with them for my private lessons requirement" and will not graduate without that. That truly hurts me the most, because with that, I feel like my teacher was insinuating that I would give up what I have been working towards and what I have committed my life to because of one teacher that I do not get along with. It really offends me that he would think I'm the kind of person that would just give up and quit. If he doesn't know that that is not who I am, then what else does he not know? and what else does he think about me?

In trying to be an adult, I think I made things worse for myself.
Ridiculous.

Expectations

As an instrumental education major, there are a lot of people and aspects of my life pulling me in completely different directions. On one hand, I need to master my craft (French horn) and on another, I want to develop the skills that will be necessary to have under my belt as a band director. As of late, this natural conflict has been killing me.

I'm really unhappy with my private lessons. I feel like I try as hard as possible... given my current circumstances. If you know me, you'll probably agree that I'm not one to make excuses. Maybe to myself, inside my head, I complain. a ton. But the Amberley that you all see and interact with? I suck it up and make it happen. When I fail, I wholeheartedly believe that it is indeed MY fault. I am spread so thin, by choice, between all my ensembles, marching band, leadership positions and responsibilities, classes, skills that I'm nowhere near close to mastering, friendships to maintain, connections to make...the list goes on. In short, I have a massive list of expectations to meet. Most of those are non negotiable. The expectations of private lessons, however, should be somewhat negotiable.

And they are. Or they're about to be. What I need from lessons is a teacher who understands that my priority is not to be the best horn player in the world, country, western region, or even Utah. I do have that potential, which my teacher has acknowledged, but I do not, however have the ability at this point in time. I would be crazy to say that I don't WANT to be the best horn player I can be, but that is just not my priority. I have a longer list of things that I have, to be frank, placed at a higher rank than my personal success on horn.

I understand that all my teacher sees is my half-hour-a-week lesson. Not my abilities as a section leader, or even a section member. Not my dedication to learning the piano, my determination in sight singing, or my frustrations in conducting. I know how I conduct myself in class and that I never give up or take average as good enough. He does not, and has expressed to me before that he can let me focus on my music education degree and expect very little of me. Again, if you know me, you know that I have never been in a private study, or even an ensemble situation, in my almost 10 years in music. I would never stand for that. The problem lies in finding the middle. There has to be some middle ground between letting me get away with murder and demanding more than I have to give.

Obviously, these feelings need to be expressed - and they will be. Before that happens, I need to identify the basis of my feelings, and pray that I'll be able to control myself and not let my emotions get the best of me. 23.5 credit hours or not, I want to be the best band director that I can be. That is my priority.

I don't think anyone can blame me for that.

Current Obsessions

Time for an update on my current obsessions!

Pumpkin muffins from Panera Bread.

(a resident craving)

My new breast cancer awareness North Face Denali jacket.

Perusing wedding photography blogs.

(truly obsessed)

Gap jeans.

Marshmallow topping on chocolate ice cream.

(particularly at the HC on Sunday nights)

Pink Merona pea coat, from Target

(I couldn't find a picture online. This is me in Chicago.)

Getting mail.

(from missionaries...)

My new T Tahari black dress from Dillard's.

Purple/grey Tory Burch frames from LensCrafters.

Pie in the Sky Co. 

(I must make a stop there before I go back to school!)

Looking for my charm bracelet.

(I can't find it anywhere!)

Now excuse me while I go look for my charm bracelet again....

Getting closer to heaven in 2011!

Happy new year to you all!

To commemorate the beginning of 2011, I thought I'd make a cliche list of 10 things I wish to learn, do, or change this coming year, semester, month, or even week. (We'll see how far I get with my commitment to any of these. haha)

1. Eat at least two square (triangular?) meals a day. This is super difficult when I don't have a lunch break. But I think I might this semester!
2. Learn the power of fasting. I'm so terrible at fasting, mostly because I hardly understand the concept. I know what it is, and what it does, but when it comes down to actually doing it, it's not as simple or straightforward as everyone says. I want to fast more frequently, and begin to use that in my life.
3. I need to stop studying for music history tests so darn late. Goal: make a playlist of the songs and put it on my phone as soon as possible. Probably before the review is posted online.
4. Read Preach my Gospel. I have a copy of it sitting on my desk, but I've maybe opened it twice. While all these super awesome young men are off gallivanting on their missions, I need to study up too.
5. Work out on a consistent basis. I'm so much happier and energetic when I'm exercising. I don't know how my schedule will work out yet, but when the semester gets underway, I'm going to start exercising again.
6. Be my own person. I kind of lost my personal identity this past fall, and I'm reclaiming it. This includes standing up for what I believe and not making sacrifices in that area just to fit in, or to feel liked.
7. Which brings me to the next change: gossip needs to stop. If I don't want to say something to the person's face, I shouldn't be saying it at all. I need to get back to the place where I felt like I truly tried to accept everyone into my friend group - no cliques.
8. Visiting teaching - what a nightmare. It's time that I finally suck it up and make it happen. This will increase my testimony of obedience and faith, and I'll stop denying myself of those blessings.
9. Stop overeating at the HC! I finally mastered the using-up-my-meal-plan, which is fantastic news! But now I need to reel it in, and stop overeating there...usually just because I don't want to go back home and do my homework. How dumb. I'll just eat slower. :)
10. Keep my desk cleaner. I was super good at being clean last year, and I need to get back to that regiment of cleaning. It'll be easier now that football season is over - I can have my Saturdays back! If I keep my desk cleaner, then I won't just come home and sit on my bed to do all my homework. That's really killing my back, and isn't the most productive decision. Also, I can vacuum more frequently (like I used to...) since I have my own now!

Okay. This will work. :) I think they're all pretty feasible. Nothing that I didn't already have in mind for myself. I hope that your holiday seasons went well, and that you are refreshed for the new semester. I'm....almost refreshed. We'll see how I feel in another week or so. Happy new year!