institute choir!

Happy Tuesday!

I've been thinking a lot about Satan lately. And how when I finally owned up to my greatest flaw and actually committed myself 100% to overcoming it, it seemed so much harder to deal with. I was even in an okay place. I'd been better, but I'd been so much worse. But just because I fessed up and quit being in a slight stage of denial, I relapsed.

So here's my conclusion: When we decide to step up our game, so does Satan. If we kick it into high gear, he's right behind us, stepping on the gas. And it royally sucks. I'm trying to be the best person I can be, and he's yanking me back down. My instinct is to blame him, but at the same time, we know that we have no one to blame for our own transgressions than ourselves. We're held accountable for us. But that doesn't inspire me at all. That frustrates me. Because here I am, with a weakness to his tricks, and without him I wouldn't have an issue. It's him that's ruining the plan I had for myself to get back on top of things. So even if this is blaspheme, the only way that I can motivate myself to overcome this is if I blame it on Satan. It really actually is his fault.

So then scriptures last night and today were amazing. 2 Nephi 1-2 were pretty much directed solely at me. And institute was intense. Brother Shenck is always inspiring and teaches me so much, but tonight was crazy. He always ends with a thought, and that's usually when I can feel the spirit the strongest. Tonight he talked about the dangers of the internet. He spoke in really broad terms, and didn't reiterate anything from an old young women's lesson, or a cliche conference talk. But he warned against wasting time on facebook. And he warned, very realistically, about not crossing any lines we shouldn't be crossing. But the way he worded it was immaculate. It was real. It wasn't about the extremes. It was about all of us that are in the middle. Basically, without going into detail, he tied it all back to being worthy to be instruments of the Lord. Brother Shenck also mentioned taking care of stupid, but incredibly hindering, things now, before we attempt a marriage, or a family. It was all amazing, and exactly what I needed to hear. It's really great to know that Heavenly Father knows me, and knows what I want, as well as what I need.

Institute Choir has opened so many doors for me. It's amazing.

Anyway, back to working on IT and this essay. It's due in about 36 hours, and I pretty much have zilch. I think I might actually go to bed, and just get it done tomorrow. I'll finish my outline and stuff, but I'm not sure I can handle much more.

Have a good night. :)