Day 4 - Stake Conference and Fake Smiling

I went through my internet history, which is sickeningly full of facebook pages, and found the 30 day challenge I went with. So here is the next one!

Day 4: A picture of where you went today

Salt Lake Institute of Religion

Church! Stake conference, in fact. This week, the Church has reorganized the Salt Lake area's Young Single Adult stakes. Today, we all went to church to hear what new ward we are in. Turns out that I am going to be in the Bonneview YSA Ward, of the Bonneville YSA stake. The student wards and stakes were eliminated in an effort to simplify the Young Single Adult options for church attendance. The whole thing is pretty nifty. And the stake presidency is the same as the old University 6th stake. Which is amazing. I love President Rees.

Anyway, my jury is in the morning. It's finals week, and my eating habits are already taking a beating. Oh well. I could have some very exciting news tomorrow, so be on the look out for that! :)

As a footnote, it is exhausting when your hopes and dreams don't turn out the way you want them to. Sure, my summer plans could be an example of that. But when you have feelings for someone, and all you can do is have all the hope and faith in the world that it's meant to be...it's hard when you realize that you were as crazy as you thought you were. That even after all of the justification (i.e. I must feel this way for a reason. Yeah, it's a crazy long shot, but there's still a chance...) yet still, after comforting yourself to sleep on those sleepless nights, you were crazy. It was, and still is, a long shot. That's hard. 

It's hard to walk away from what has been your motivation to keep going. When nothing else made all the bad things worth it. I'm coming to terms, I guess. Call it growing up. Call it getting real with yourself. Call it whatever you want. No matter the label, it still hurts. And that hurt is exhausting. Because you have a decision to make. Give up now and save yourself more heartache in the end, or keep fighting for what you've hoped and prayed would be your best friend and your everything. Fighting that losing battle takes a lot of energy that I don't think I have. You have to mask the pain and rejection, in the hopes that one day they'll notice you. I think it's time I threw in the towel.

Besides, I'm a terrible fake smiler.