NEW PURSE!

:) my pride and joy!

smile.

:)

goodnight, loves.

complications

Before today, I've been wanting to jot down some feelings I've had - these feelings were along the lines of "ditched," "played," and "belittled." However, now some things have changed. 

Let's call him "Matt." Matt and I have a history, spanning almost a tenth of my life. The situation itself is complicated beyond comprehension, but one thing has always been certain: we have a legitimate infatuation with one another. While I have learned to cope with our complications (from Utah), this summer poses other issues. At the moment, Matt and I aren't exactly conventional in our approach to our relationship, and my issue is this: Where is it going?

In reality, it has very few options of places to go. But my feelings on the matter are pretty black and white. I either want to pursue our relationship on a more serious level, or end it. And by "serious," I mean that I want to be courted, and get to know each other on a personal level. My logistical issues can't permit me to consider Matt as a serious, marriage prospect. I just mean it in the emotional-connection sense.

There is only thing of which I am unsure: I think I like him? At first, I suspect that a lot of the appeal was in the excitement of it all. But on second thought, my feelings for Matt have been taking root since long before we ever admitted anything. Those feelings couldn't just disappear after anything legitimately happened. My conclusion is that my move to Utah and everything forced me to distance myself from Matt, and now I can't exactly justify a relationship with him, because I know it's highly unpractical. The solution that I came up with is to essentially work backwards, attempting to rebuild our relationship from the ground up. This seems like the right thing to do, as it would lead to a better friendship and understanding of one another - and since that's all that will probably happen between us, long term, this summer seems like the perfect opportunity to secure myself a life-long friend.

Of course, the ironic thing is that after building our relationship from the ground up, my feelings will probably be reconfirmed, just as I'm due back in Utah. 

I'll just have to cross that bridge when I get to it.

What I am currently obsessed with

making chicken quesadillas.

my liberty of london wallet from target.

organizing my closet.

this blouse from downeast. (it's cuter in person)

lily allen.

james avery texas charm and necklace.

modern family.

the black pencil skirt.

neutrogena night cleansing pads.

kiefer sutherland.

tulips.

chuck bartowski and company.

fossil crossbody purses.

moleskines.

productivity

I AM GOING TO FINISH UNPACKING TODAY.

there.

now I have to do it. :)

End of the Year Summary

Hello world.

I took my last final today, and just calculated the GPA that am expecting to have in a couple weeks, and everything appears to have gone well. aka: I won't owe the University of Utah $30,000 next time we meet. So that's lovely. My parents are flying up tomorrow to help me pack and move all my stuff into a storage unit. I decided that I would take this opportunity to reflect on this past year, and list all things that I've learned... Here goes:

1. How to use chopsticks competently.
2. Cleaning is a legitimate form of procrastination.
3. Dustbusters make excellent Christmas presents.
4. The church is still true.
5. BUT THE BOOK IS NOT ALWAYS BLUE. I found a red Book of Mormon last semester. win.
6. People that live in Utah don't judge distance/mileage/traffic the same as Texas people.
7. No matter where I go, there will always be a significant number of people from Texas. It only makes sense, really.
8. Textbook buyback truly is as big of a rip off as everyone makes it out to be.
9. All children should take piano lessons as a precaution. They may end up as music majors, and it would save a lot of heartache.
10. I am thick blooded, and handle cold very well.
11. Weight watchers is a Godsend.
12. Carrying cases of water bottles up flights of stairs constitutes as a supplemental workout to walking uphill to the union for lunch.
13. Missions are amazing, and it's super exciting to send boys away on them.
14. People gossip too much. Myself included. This should end.
15. Three's Company comes on every night at 1 am.
16. It's easy to take my close proximity to Temple Square for granted.
17. Mountains are beautiful.
18. The humidity in Houston is actually as obnoxious as I thought it was. It's nice to be able to still eat Triscuits that have been open since September.
19. A change of seasons is good for the soul.
20. Student wards can be scary and comes with its fair share of ready-for-marriage men. But I'd still take it over BYU.
21. The chicken salad croissant sandwiches sold in the library cafe qualify for a transfer meal at the union.
22. I pretty much had more freedom in high school than I feel like I do in college. Even though that's probably not true.
23. I am a master with a microwave. An artist, even.
24. Laundry isn't really that difficult.
25. Getting something in the mail is like Christmas. but better.
26. In the real world, people actually do die young. It's more common than I thought.
27. Money can't buy happiness, but the lack of money can cause depression.
28. I decided that I want to date/marry someone with different primary interests than me. I can't handle being with someone that is majoring in music/with a career in music. I need something refreshing at the end of the day, and talking about rehearsal techniques and Mahler's symphonic structure is not how I wish to enjoy my dinner.
29. My life goal may or may not be to be a flight attendant. If anyone finds a university with a program for that, let me know.
30. My parents love me. Not that I didn't know that before. But now I really do. and going really far away from your family can actually make it stronger.
31. It's easier to get an A in college than it was in high school.
32. Elton John is a genius.
33. as well as Billy Joel.
34. I'll always have a soft spot for teddy bears, spiderman bandaids, baked potatoes, and coupons. Growing up won't change that - if that even exists.
35. Crossword puzzles are invigorating.
36. Airport water prices vary, based on the vendor. It's best to shop around. Saving 25 cents a bottle adds up, and by my junior year at the U, I'll have saved up enough for a whole nother bottle of water. win.
37. Any occasion is a good occasion for an ice cream cake.
38. Don't make a comment when your male professor wears pink on a regular basis.
39. Iceland is a nifty little country.
40. TGI Friday's has a healing power that they don't advertise.
41. 3M hooks should be in the Smithsonian.
42. Ghosts are entertaining. They enjoy tortillas, magic shell, and coca-cola. Favorite past times? Slamming doors, opening blinds, and adjusting the thermostat. I just wish they'd leave me a post it or something so that I can brace myself for their visits.
43. The last day that a scholarship provides you with a sense of comfort is the day before your college career begins. After that, it's nothing but a rain cloud hanging over your head, waiting for you to fail so that it can rain on your parade of a life.

It's been a really awesome year, with its fair share of ups and downs. But my feelings of sadness about packing and going home must speak volumes about the great time that I've had. People ask me if I like it here, and I just shrug and say that's it's good. However, I'm starting to think that maybe I haven't been giving this past year enough credit. My reluctancy to go leave this place, and this home that I've made, must reflect some kind of great experience that I've had here. At the end of the day, I'm glad that I moved here on my own, and ventured out in faith and obedience to the Lord. My family has grown stronger, and my appreciation for them has increased tenfold. Salt Lake City is a gem, and I'm so fortunate to have the friends that I have made here. I'm sad to leave this place, but 'tis the curse of living a double life.

Happy summer to the world, and may you take a risk that can only be attempted in the refreshing freedom that America refers to as "summer."

Love,
Amberley