Junior Year Lessons

Hello again, world!

I want to start off this year by saying one thing: I am going to blog this (senior) year. Blog or bust. I was reading through old posts last night and it was such a rewarding experience to look back at my experiences and feelings. Mostly, it was hilarious. I love how I can make myself laugh. At least - no matter what - I'll have my own sense of humor to get through the day. So I need to blog this year, just so that I look back on my past. I highly recommend it.

So at the end of my first two years of college, I made a posting about what I had learned. It only seems right that I do the same for my (now) over third year. Here goes:

1. I love being in love. There is no greater feeling, and having someone to share every moment and detail of yourself with makes life so much more fulfilling.
2. The hit Travel Channel series, Ghost Adventures, is amazing. And it's real. I swear.
3. Having a house to come home to at the end of the day is awesome. And, sometimes, you can get lucky and have two closets.
4. Toddlers and Tiaras is a train wreck. You can't help but watch.
5. Loco Lizard (in Park City) was the greatest Mexican food restaurant in Utah...
6. UNTIL LOS CUCOS OPENED IN SANDY. If you haven't already heard my Los Cucos monologue, text me. It's amazing.
7. Life is easier with a car. Especially when you love driving.
8. Drama sucks. I hate it. I hate being involved. I hate being associated. I'm over it, more than ever before. I have my own drama, and the last thing I need is to be sucked into anyone else's. I will always listen and offer my advice to friends, but I am most certainly not putting myself in any more situations that automatically sign me up for drama.
9. Aside from everything that has recently happened in my life, Clayton Shepherd definitely set the bar for what kind of person I want to be with. I've learned what kind of qualities I need in a person, as well as what my own weaknesses are. Hopefully I can work on some of those as time goes on.
10. Provo is such a pleasant place. There are so many cute places to eat, and I just love the atmosphere, to be honest. I don't know how much I would love BYU, but Provo is definitely a charming little town to visit. (Besides, I got the best haircut of my life there for $25! Everything is cheaper!)
11. Utah drivers CANNOT drive in the rain. (And by rain, I mean mist.) Don't even try to get on the freeway. You'd be better off walking.
12. LUSH is incredible. Look them up. www.LUSHusa.com - go NOW.
13. I'm actually somewhat proficient at the French horn. The biggest contributor to this realization is the opportunity I had to sit next to DeAunn the entire school year. She is amazing, and just blending into her tone has made me the player that I am today. So grateful. And excited for another year sitting next to her!
14. Missionary clothes are just as hard to find as I thought they would be.
15. Having a man around to do chores and other little things is really really nice. And comforting.
16. The more convenient the washer and dryer seem to be, the less motivation I seem to have to do my laundry. (What's up with that?)
17. The temptation to have alcohol on your 21st birthday is very real.
18. I. Love. The. Mountains. So much.
19. I can dress a man if need be. You can cross "fashionable" off my list of necessary qualities in a man.... I'll make due. :)
20. Even though I'm much closer to having a degree in my hand, I still just want to be a mom. Maybe a flight attendant, pie shop owner, or furniture consignment specialist. But definitely a mom.
21. Sometimes good things fall apart to make way for even better things. As hard as that is to swallow, I have to believe in it. Faith is everything.
22. Good friends will always, rain or shine, be there for you. No matter how long it has been since you last talked... and no matter how many text messages you've ignored. I'm so grateful for my friends. They have forgiven me for so many things and mean the world to me.
23. Fuddruckers broke my heart. WHY DID YOU HAVE TO CLOSE?! And even the Fuddruckers that stayed open in Houston changed their honey mustard. Just not the same.
24. Finger nail polish is enjoyable. Finally, I'm a girl. hahaha
25. And the most important thing I learned this year? Even the planner of all planners (me) will get the rug pulled out from underneath them. I've had to learn (very recently) how to let go of any sort of plan, and just live day to day. And you know what? It's the most liberating feeling in the world to know that you can literally choose to do anything that you want to do. I'm so grateful for the trials that the Lord has thrown in my direction. I know they are tailored for me, and are shaping me into the person that He wants me to be. The person that I want to be.

I have been struggling like crazy to know whether or not I should go on a mission, or continue/finish school. I recognize that I have not been praying, reading, and fasting at the level I should be - which could explain my struggle. But I felt so strongly that it wasn't necessarily about choosing the RIGHT decision. It was about choosing A decision. When I ended up signing up for a few classes, and ultimately realizing how few classes I have left, things started feeling good. It wasn't even about feeling "right" - it was more about picturing my life for once. Just the immediate future part of it. Since then, I am now more excited to start the semester than I ever have before. I feel in charge of my life. And I have to trust that these good feelings wouldn't be here if what I am doing is fundamentally wrong. Faith in myself is huge, and I think I'm on my way.

Thank you to each and every one of my friends that have helped me get to where I am today. Each of you have offered your love and shown so much compassion to me - each affecting me in different ways. I'm so proud to have such valiant, considerate, and selfless friends. I can only hope that I have touched your lives half as much as you have touched mine.

Alright. On with the show! :)
Happy Fall 2012!!

The Road Trip Rundown

Well, to be short, I'm back in Salt Lake City, and am wrapping up my first week back in class! But to fill in the massive 2 month span of time since my last blog posting....

I worked at the YMCA this summer as the day camp arts and crafts specialist. Much mayhem ensued.

I got a car! A zippy, brand new, Subaru Forester!

Not the greatest picture...but it'll do. 

After all that...Clayton flew out to Houston to drive back to Salt Lake with my dad and me. We saw sooooo many things, I can't even tell you. We stopped at 3 temples on the way back - San Antonio, Albuquerque, and Manti. It was a national park field day, visiting Carlsbad, Mesa Verde, Grand Canyon, Zions, and Bryce Canyon. It was such a wonderful experience and I think the three of us really bonded. Nothing at all went wrong, and everything was just easy and fun. At one point, the thought occurred to me that I was with the two men in this world that love me the most. That was really profound and I'm grateful for them and the time that they took to get to know each other and to help me drive back. I wouldn't change anything about the whole trip. 

Here are a few of my favorite pictures!

Making PB&J sandwiches

Happy hour was a necessary obsession.

Clayton and Lester bonding

The insanely amazing Mexican food at Sadie's in Albuquerque.

We had more leftovers than we ate.

We stopped at the San Antonio, Albuquerque (this one), and Manti LDS temples along the way.

Beautiful sunset on the way out of Albuquerque

Me at the cliff dwellings in Mesa Verde - a dream since third grade

Snow cones at the sizzling four corners

My dad got a senior pass to all the national state parks! 

Zion's was breathtaking.

We're kind of in love.

My precious, and excited, dad.

Park hopping on the way back, we hit up Bryce Canyon.

Ten days of nonstop companionship. Um. Yeah.

Still happy.

Pie Sampler in Bicknell! From left to right: oatmeal, buttermilk, pickle, and pinto bean pies.

I'm so grateful for the experience and how many things we were able to see in such a condensed amount of time. Clayton and my dad bonded, and it was a really neat experience to be with the two men in this world that love me the most. I know I've already said that, but it was just so special. I couldn't have been better cared for. Many kudos to them, and to Clay's family for forfeiting him for a little while. It was good to show him around Houston and for my family to welcome him in. 

I couldn't have asked for a better start to my junior year at the U. :)

Day 7 - Maple Syrup and Lester

So today has been pretty darn productive. I donated 3 boxes of old YMCA shirts that I took home yesterday, drove across town, got my horn fixed (again), bought a strawberry rhubarb pie for my dad from Pie in the Sky (which is conveniently just a few blocks from the instrument repair guy), went to work to make a banner, and emailed the supplies I need for next week's camp. However, I have yet to touch my homework. For whatever reason, I truly have zero ambition or desire to even try to study at all. Today, Clayton said that being at home in Houston doesn't help. And that I'm busy working, and online classes are just a pain anyway. I think he's right. He said to just try for 30 minutes a day, and that's an approach I never considered. Then I'll do as much as I can in whatever time I allot myself. I think I'll do an hour a day. That should get me to the end of next week. 

Speaking of Clayton, he's a gem. For cyberspace's information, he is now my boyfriend, and we have taken just one official picture together. Funny story actually...it was taken at the Festival of Colors down in Spanish Fork this past March. I went with Chandra and Blythe, and he (conveniently) was there as well, asking to meet up. In accordance with my hard-to-get-ness, I was strongly opposed to this idea, but knew it had to happen - I'm a nice person on the weekends, and it was a Saturday. (comic relief) So we met up, and this picture was taken:

We're pretty adorbs. I know. Especially for not wanting to take this picture. Well, he definitely did, which you can see in his eyes. But I look pretty happy too! ...But to be completely honest, there's always been something oddly comforting about Clayton. He just calms me down. And even through all of the moments that I've blown him off and pushed him away (our history puts "complicated" to shame) I look back on them, and I can see that when I indulged in a side hug, or sat next to him, or anything that involved being close to or touching him, it just felt good. Yeah, I was too stubborn to acknowledge it, but in hindsight, it's definitely there. It was never this electric rush that makes your heartbeat soar and fireworks to go off. Instead, it was just peaceful. Clayton is just warm, and strong, and comforting. He has the spirit and determination of Nephi - I truly believe that. Anyway, I'm more at peace with my life than I ever have been, and that's all thanks to Clay. Alright. Enough maple syrup.

Day 7: A picture of your most treasured item

This is T. Lester Motz. He's from Macy's department store, December of 1995. I was 4. My sister was registered there for her wedding, and while my parents and I were shopping between Thanksgiving and Christmas, I fell in love with a display of clean cut panda bears wearing Tommy Hilfiger Christmas sweaters. The rest is history. The T stands for Tommy, derived from his original sweater; Lester is my grandpa's (my dad's dad's) name - not sure why I was set on naming him after a grandpa I didn't know too well? But I did. And obviously, he goes by his middle name because I do. Obviously. But yeah. I've had him for 15 1/2 years now, and he's pretty great. He's been my companion during colds and flus, breakups and heartaches, and my big move to adulthood (and Utah). This picture was taken last summer. His silly little smile just warms your heart, doesn't it? 

Well, here's to a happy father's day weekend - the annual weekend of major electronics sales, necktie shortages, and crowded restaurants. :) Have a good day!

Day 6 - The Temple

I'm sorry that I have been so terrible at blogging this summer. I have things I want to blog about...and then never do. It's okay. I don't have too many followers anyway. And the ones I do have probably don't even navigate themselves to my lovely little corner of the internet. Anyway...on with the show!

Day 6 - A picture that inspires you

Recently, I decided that the Houston LDS Temple is where I want to and WILL get married. For years, I think it has stood as my subliminal messenger that I deserve an eternal family, and those wonderful blessings that come from making sacred covenants within its walls. I used to tell my family that I would get married in the Salt Lake Temple, however, now that I live in SLC, the Houston Temple feels like home. I think it was always the temple that popped in my head when I thought of "the" temple. With my many shortcomings and faults, all temples are inspiring. Each tells a story, as well as each person who enters its peaceful walls. 

I can't wait until I can be sealed for time and all eternity in the Houston Temple, no matter how inconvenient or impractical it may be. It's my temple.

'Tis the end of another year

A year ago, at the end of my first year of college, I made a blog posting about what I had learned over that year. While the list was rather lengthy, there were some very interesting things that I had taken away from a year at the U. I don't know how long this year's will be, but here goes (in no particular order):

1. Rooming with Blythe Enke was so much more fulfilling than being by myself.
2. Taco Tuesday at Del Taco is the best place to be on Tuesday nights.
3. Pie Rush Wednesday at Village Inn is the best place to be on Wednesday nights.
4. Email is the overwhelming, professional communication of choice.
5. Consequently, I wouldn't survive this century without a smart phone.
6. Regular temple attendance (such as once a week) may not noticeably change your life, but when it becomes more irregular again, it's so obvious.
7. Grey's Anatomy is addictive.
8. Just because you face a conflict with your big boy pants on, doesn't mean your adult counterpart will.
9. And rather than being in a stalemate, you can actually end up making it harder on yourself. That's hard.
10. An empty mailbox is a happy mailbox. (sarcasm intended)
11. Marshmallow creme belongs on chocolate ice cream. And chocolate ice cream belongs under marshmallow creme.
12. Diet Coke doesn't keep me awake. But a lack of Diet Coke makes for an unpleasant headache.
13. Turning on christmas lights can be the difference between a dismal day and a successful day.
14. Provo is not a good place to meet boys. But they sure can make some ice cream.
15. No matter how many plans (ie. Plan A, Plan B, Plan C, etc.), you're not entitled to even one of them. They can all fall through.
16. And eventually, that will be okay. Live a little.
17. Nephews are adorable.
18. Ruby Snap makes amazing cookies. (understatement)
19. Do not leave forks unattended in the kitchen while lunch is in the microwave. Hungry people in the music building will actually steal them.
20. Dating is actually fun.
21. I can go a month without doing laundry, and still not offend anyone along the way. At least as far as I can tell. (referring to the act of wearing dirty laundry)
22. You just never know who will come waltzing back into your life. Neither will you know how to feel about that and/or react.
23. Printers do not like me. Correction: my printer does not like me.
24. Las Vegas can actually provide wholesome memories for me.
25. Gaining all the weight you lost sucks. Bad.
26. Jealousy is destructive. It leads to gossiping and passing judgment, even if that's not your intention.
27. Rice really does revive a broken phone. So. Awesome.
28. Finishing musicianship, concert attendance, and keyboarding is as freeing as everyone makes it out to be.
29. I actually CAN read my scriptures consistently every day. Even if it eventually died. But I did it for a while. and can do it again.
30. Living a double life can only last for so long. It's too exhausting.
31. As your parents get older, life seems a lot shorter. Less time to learn all the wisdom they need to teach you. Less time for them to clean up your messes. Less time before you'll turn around and take care of them. But even though it seems like it's one big loss, they're still the same people (except you understand them a little more), and they seem to only love you more. Even from 1500 miles away.

Needless to say, it was a good year. Even after all the heartache and griping. I sure am glad it's over, though.

Pictures of the new house to come!

Day 5 - Jury and Conducting final

Oh hello again.

Day 5: Picture of your morning

This morning was my Jury! I don't really want to talk about it. But at least it's over. For anyone who doesn't know, music majors are required to perform a "jury" at the conclusion of each semester. A panel of professors sit behind a table, and you play a solo piece (usually with piano accompaniment) and they fill out evaluation forms, exchange pleasantries, and usually pass you. It's kind of the culmination of your semester as a music major, and it's a lot easier when it's over. I don't get very nervous for them though. It seems pretty routine.

I also had my conducting final, to which Scott actually said, "you have some natural talent." And if you know Scott, you know that's a mighty big compliment coming from him. So that was surprising. I feel like there is much to be desired when it comes to my conducting skills. I'm not pro by any means. But it went well. I did Irish Tune, by Grainger (which holds a special place in my heart, thanks to Scott McAdow), and Profanation, by Bernstein. :)

Note: I wrote "jury" backwards on that paper so it would show up correctly. Yeah. That's right. I'm a boss. 

Now it's on to studying, and maybe a trip to the temple/Deseret Book. I kind of want to eat at the Lion House too. (I have to hit up Temple Square while I can! I'll miss it when I'm back home!) I have a music history test and a musicianship appointment to study for, as well as a paper to write. Good heavens. Stay tuned for that really great news I mentioned last night.... my fingers are still crossed that it will go through!

Day 4 - Stake Conference and Fake Smiling

I went through my internet history, which is sickeningly full of facebook pages, and found the 30 day challenge I went with. So here is the next one!

Day 4: A picture of where you went today

Salt Lake Institute of Religion

Church! Stake conference, in fact. This week, the Church has reorganized the Salt Lake area's Young Single Adult stakes. Today, we all went to church to hear what new ward we are in. Turns out that I am going to be in the Bonneview YSA Ward, of the Bonneville YSA stake. The student wards and stakes were eliminated in an effort to simplify the Young Single Adult options for church attendance. The whole thing is pretty nifty. And the stake presidency is the same as the old University 6th stake. Which is amazing. I love President Rees.

Anyway, my jury is in the morning. It's finals week, and my eating habits are already taking a beating. Oh well. I could have some very exciting news tomorrow, so be on the look out for that! :)

As a footnote, it is exhausting when your hopes and dreams don't turn out the way you want them to. Sure, my summer plans could be an example of that. But when you have feelings for someone, and all you can do is have all the hope and faith in the world that it's meant to be...it's hard when you realize that you were as crazy as you thought you were. That even after all of the justification (i.e. I must feel this way for a reason. Yeah, it's a crazy long shot, but there's still a chance...) yet still, after comforting yourself to sleep on those sleepless nights, you were crazy. It was, and still is, a long shot. That's hard. 

It's hard to walk away from what has been your motivation to keep going. When nothing else made all the bad things worth it. I'm coming to terms, I guess. Call it growing up. Call it getting real with yourself. Call it whatever you want. No matter the label, it still hurts. And that hurt is exhausting. Because you have a decision to make. Give up now and save yourself more heartache in the end, or keep fighting for what you've hoped and prayed would be your best friend and your everything. Fighting that losing battle takes a lot of energy that I don't think I have. You have to mask the pain and rejection, in the hopes that one day they'll notice you. I think it's time I threw in the towel.

Besides, I'm a terrible fake smiler. 

Day 3 (clearly, I'm slacking in daily commitments)

This just goes to show that I truly do fail at daily commitments. Prayer, scripture study, practicing, blogging.... it's all one in the same. I am a terrible person.

Not really. But I do suck at doing things every day.

So we'll just carry on, and see how many days it truly takes me to finish this 30 day challenge. This could be extremely entertaining. :)

[Insert a failed 25 minute search for the next question.]

Okay, new plan. hahahaha I can't find the one I was using. :( So instead, here is a short list of things that are not okay:

1. People picking me up. Don't do it.
2. The saxophone.
3. How dry my skin is across my knuckles.
4. Professors that don't show up for your final presentation of your final transcription. Especially when it's "Careless Whisper." Who doesn't love George Michael? Or at least his hair. See for yourself:



5. The level of pain that my back is constantly in.
6. Adorable boys that are younger than me that I could look at all day long. It makes me creepy and unstable. Borderline cradle robber.
7. Feet. Any age, size, color, condition, etc. Not. Okay.
8. I'm out of peeps. This is a disaster.

That's good for now.
I wonder what question 3 was.

Day 2 - Earth Day!

Good morning!

As I am NOT in form and analysis this morning........it's time for day 2 of my 30 day challenge!

Day 2: A picture of what you wore today

Rain boots

Free earth day shirt

Explanation: My weather app depicted today with lightening. This is a rare occurrence and the warning must be heeded. Result = rain boots. Yesterday, Blythe and I went to this earth day celebration up by the dorms and watched an hour of Planet Earth (WHICH IS INSANE), signed a petition to recycle at football games (they had some crazy statistic about how much waste is accumulated per season at the stadium), ate Sweet Tooth Fairy cupcakes, and got these free tshirts! They're pretty nifty, huh? Also, I'm trying to avoid doing laundry until right before I go home... haha

Anyway...Happy Earth Day! Go hug a tree, start a compost pile, plant a flower, throw away some hairspray, or buy me a hybrid car. :)

Day 1

Hello world,

I have decided to take on the 30 day challenge on facebook. However, I will attempt to keep things classy (as usual) and post this on my blog instead. Yes, you are meant to chuckle.

Day 1: Picture of yourself

There's really no story. Except that this is my post-haircut from Christmas break. And that is my Texas bathroom. I just don't take very many pictures of myself. 

As for my commentary of the day? Here's a thought: just because I am too physically and mentally exhausted to transport myself to a lavatory, does that make me lazy? I don't think so. I think it's sign that I am an overworked, stressed out, under-compensated college student. And a music student at that. If it was socially acceptable to live my life with a bed pan, I would. They could be popular. They could come in different colors, patterns, and materials. They could have seasonal decorations. Christmas lights and garland? Then no one would be forced to sit through an excruciatingly long class with an antsy bladder. We've all been there. And when our bodies are too exhausted to get up from our study sessions in the library...there will be no need. People pee in pools. And everyone is okay with that, because we've all been there, done that. Why should our lives on land be any different?

Points to ponder.