Day 7 - Maple Syrup and Lester

So today has been pretty darn productive. I donated 3 boxes of old YMCA shirts that I took home yesterday, drove across town, got my horn fixed (again), bought a strawberry rhubarb pie for my dad from Pie in the Sky (which is conveniently just a few blocks from the instrument repair guy), went to work to make a banner, and emailed the supplies I need for next week's camp. However, I have yet to touch my homework. For whatever reason, I truly have zero ambition or desire to even try to study at all. Today, Clayton said that being at home in Houston doesn't help. And that I'm busy working, and online classes are just a pain anyway. I think he's right. He said to just try for 30 minutes a day, and that's an approach I never considered. Then I'll do as much as I can in whatever time I allot myself. I think I'll do an hour a day. That should get me to the end of next week. 

Speaking of Clayton, he's a gem. For cyberspace's information, he is now my boyfriend, and we have taken just one official picture together. Funny story actually...it was taken at the Festival of Colors down in Spanish Fork this past March. I went with Chandra and Blythe, and he (conveniently) was there as well, asking to meet up. In accordance with my hard-to-get-ness, I was strongly opposed to this idea, but knew it had to happen - I'm a nice person on the weekends, and it was a Saturday. (comic relief) So we met up, and this picture was taken:

We're pretty adorbs. I know. Especially for not wanting to take this picture. Well, he definitely did, which you can see in his eyes. But I look pretty happy too! ...But to be completely honest, there's always been something oddly comforting about Clayton. He just calms me down. And even through all of the moments that I've blown him off and pushed him away (our history puts "complicated" to shame) I look back on them, and I can see that when I indulged in a side hug, or sat next to him, or anything that involved being close to or touching him, it just felt good. Yeah, I was too stubborn to acknowledge it, but in hindsight, it's definitely there. It was never this electric rush that makes your heartbeat soar and fireworks to go off. Instead, it was just peaceful. Clayton is just warm, and strong, and comforting. He has the spirit and determination of Nephi - I truly believe that. Anyway, I'm more at peace with my life than I ever have been, and that's all thanks to Clay. Alright. Enough maple syrup.

Day 7: A picture of your most treasured item

This is T. Lester Motz. He's from Macy's department store, December of 1995. I was 4. My sister was registered there for her wedding, and while my parents and I were shopping between Thanksgiving and Christmas, I fell in love with a display of clean cut panda bears wearing Tommy Hilfiger Christmas sweaters. The rest is history. The T stands for Tommy, derived from his original sweater; Lester is my grandpa's (my dad's dad's) name - not sure why I was set on naming him after a grandpa I didn't know too well? But I did. And obviously, he goes by his middle name because I do. Obviously. But yeah. I've had him for 15 1/2 years now, and he's pretty great. He's been my companion during colds and flus, breakups and heartaches, and my big move to adulthood (and Utah). This picture was taken last summer. His silly little smile just warms your heart, doesn't it? 

Well, here's to a happy father's day weekend - the annual weekend of major electronics sales, necktie shortages, and crowded restaurants. :) Have a good day!

Day 6 - The Temple

I'm sorry that I have been so terrible at blogging this summer. I have things I want to blog about...and then never do. It's okay. I don't have too many followers anyway. And the ones I do have probably don't even navigate themselves to my lovely little corner of the internet. Anyway...on with the show!

Day 6 - A picture that inspires you

Recently, I decided that the Houston LDS Temple is where I want to and WILL get married. For years, I think it has stood as my subliminal messenger that I deserve an eternal family, and those wonderful blessings that come from making sacred covenants within its walls. I used to tell my family that I would get married in the Salt Lake Temple, however, now that I live in SLC, the Houston Temple feels like home. I think it was always the temple that popped in my head when I thought of "the" temple. With my many shortcomings and faults, all temples are inspiring. Each tells a story, as well as each person who enters its peaceful walls. 

I can't wait until I can be sealed for time and all eternity in the Houston Temple, no matter how inconvenient or impractical it may be. It's my temple.

'Tis the end of another year

A year ago, at the end of my first year of college, I made a blog posting about what I had learned over that year. While the list was rather lengthy, there were some very interesting things that I had taken away from a year at the U. I don't know how long this year's will be, but here goes (in no particular order):

1. Rooming with Blythe Enke was so much more fulfilling than being by myself.
2. Taco Tuesday at Del Taco is the best place to be on Tuesday nights.
3. Pie Rush Wednesday at Village Inn is the best place to be on Wednesday nights.
4. Email is the overwhelming, professional communication of choice.
5. Consequently, I wouldn't survive this century without a smart phone.
6. Regular temple attendance (such as once a week) may not noticeably change your life, but when it becomes more irregular again, it's so obvious.
7. Grey's Anatomy is addictive.
8. Just because you face a conflict with your big boy pants on, doesn't mean your adult counterpart will.
9. And rather than being in a stalemate, you can actually end up making it harder on yourself. That's hard.
10. An empty mailbox is a happy mailbox. (sarcasm intended)
11. Marshmallow creme belongs on chocolate ice cream. And chocolate ice cream belongs under marshmallow creme.
12. Diet Coke doesn't keep me awake. But a lack of Diet Coke makes for an unpleasant headache.
13. Turning on christmas lights can be the difference between a dismal day and a successful day.
14. Provo is not a good place to meet boys. But they sure can make some ice cream.
15. No matter how many plans (ie. Plan A, Plan B, Plan C, etc.), you're not entitled to even one of them. They can all fall through.
16. And eventually, that will be okay. Live a little.
17. Nephews are adorable.
18. Ruby Snap makes amazing cookies. (understatement)
19. Do not leave forks unattended in the kitchen while lunch is in the microwave. Hungry people in the music building will actually steal them.
20. Dating is actually fun.
21. I can go a month without doing laundry, and still not offend anyone along the way. At least as far as I can tell. (referring to the act of wearing dirty laundry)
22. You just never know who will come waltzing back into your life. Neither will you know how to feel about that and/or react.
23. Printers do not like me. Correction: my printer does not like me.
24. Las Vegas can actually provide wholesome memories for me.
25. Gaining all the weight you lost sucks. Bad.
26. Jealousy is destructive. It leads to gossiping and passing judgment, even if that's not your intention.
27. Rice really does revive a broken phone. So. Awesome.
28. Finishing musicianship, concert attendance, and keyboarding is as freeing as everyone makes it out to be.
29. I actually CAN read my scriptures consistently every day. Even if it eventually died. But I did it for a while. and can do it again.
30. Living a double life can only last for so long. It's too exhausting.
31. As your parents get older, life seems a lot shorter. Less time to learn all the wisdom they need to teach you. Less time for them to clean up your messes. Less time before you'll turn around and take care of them. But even though it seems like it's one big loss, they're still the same people (except you understand them a little more), and they seem to only love you more. Even from 1500 miles away.

Needless to say, it was a good year. Even after all the heartache and griping. I sure am glad it's over, though.

Pictures of the new house to come!

Day 5 - Jury and Conducting final

Oh hello again.

Day 5: Picture of your morning

This morning was my Jury! I don't really want to talk about it. But at least it's over. For anyone who doesn't know, music majors are required to perform a "jury" at the conclusion of each semester. A panel of professors sit behind a table, and you play a solo piece (usually with piano accompaniment) and they fill out evaluation forms, exchange pleasantries, and usually pass you. It's kind of the culmination of your semester as a music major, and it's a lot easier when it's over. I don't get very nervous for them though. It seems pretty routine.

I also had my conducting final, to which Scott actually said, "you have some natural talent." And if you know Scott, you know that's a mighty big compliment coming from him. So that was surprising. I feel like there is much to be desired when it comes to my conducting skills. I'm not pro by any means. But it went well. I did Irish Tune, by Grainger (which holds a special place in my heart, thanks to Scott McAdow), and Profanation, by Bernstein. :)

Note: I wrote "jury" backwards on that paper so it would show up correctly. Yeah. That's right. I'm a boss. 

Now it's on to studying, and maybe a trip to the temple/Deseret Book. I kind of want to eat at the Lion House too. (I have to hit up Temple Square while I can! I'll miss it when I'm back home!) I have a music history test and a musicianship appointment to study for, as well as a paper to write. Good heavens. Stay tuned for that really great news I mentioned last night.... my fingers are still crossed that it will go through!

Day 4 - Stake Conference and Fake Smiling

I went through my internet history, which is sickeningly full of facebook pages, and found the 30 day challenge I went with. So here is the next one!

Day 4: A picture of where you went today

Salt Lake Institute of Religion

Church! Stake conference, in fact. This week, the Church has reorganized the Salt Lake area's Young Single Adult stakes. Today, we all went to church to hear what new ward we are in. Turns out that I am going to be in the Bonneview YSA Ward, of the Bonneville YSA stake. The student wards and stakes were eliminated in an effort to simplify the Young Single Adult options for church attendance. The whole thing is pretty nifty. And the stake presidency is the same as the old University 6th stake. Which is amazing. I love President Rees.

Anyway, my jury is in the morning. It's finals week, and my eating habits are already taking a beating. Oh well. I could have some very exciting news tomorrow, so be on the look out for that! :)

As a footnote, it is exhausting when your hopes and dreams don't turn out the way you want them to. Sure, my summer plans could be an example of that. But when you have feelings for someone, and all you can do is have all the hope and faith in the world that it's meant to be...it's hard when you realize that you were as crazy as you thought you were. That even after all of the justification (i.e. I must feel this way for a reason. Yeah, it's a crazy long shot, but there's still a chance...) yet still, after comforting yourself to sleep on those sleepless nights, you were crazy. It was, and still is, a long shot. That's hard. 

It's hard to walk away from what has been your motivation to keep going. When nothing else made all the bad things worth it. I'm coming to terms, I guess. Call it growing up. Call it getting real with yourself. Call it whatever you want. No matter the label, it still hurts. And that hurt is exhausting. Because you have a decision to make. Give up now and save yourself more heartache in the end, or keep fighting for what you've hoped and prayed would be your best friend and your everything. Fighting that losing battle takes a lot of energy that I don't think I have. You have to mask the pain and rejection, in the hopes that one day they'll notice you. I think it's time I threw in the towel.

Besides, I'm a terrible fake smiler. 

Day 3 (clearly, I'm slacking in daily commitments)

This just goes to show that I truly do fail at daily commitments. Prayer, scripture study, practicing, blogging.... it's all one in the same. I am a terrible person.

Not really. But I do suck at doing things every day.

So we'll just carry on, and see how many days it truly takes me to finish this 30 day challenge. This could be extremely entertaining. :)

[Insert a failed 25 minute search for the next question.]

Okay, new plan. hahahaha I can't find the one I was using. :( So instead, here is a short list of things that are not okay:

1. People picking me up. Don't do it.
2. The saxophone.
3. How dry my skin is across my knuckles.
4. Professors that don't show up for your final presentation of your final transcription. Especially when it's "Careless Whisper." Who doesn't love George Michael? Or at least his hair. See for yourself:



5. The level of pain that my back is constantly in.
6. Adorable boys that are younger than me that I could look at all day long. It makes me creepy and unstable. Borderline cradle robber.
7. Feet. Any age, size, color, condition, etc. Not. Okay.
8. I'm out of peeps. This is a disaster.

That's good for now.
I wonder what question 3 was.

Day 2 - Earth Day!

Good morning!

As I am NOT in form and analysis this morning........it's time for day 2 of my 30 day challenge!

Day 2: A picture of what you wore today

Rain boots

Free earth day shirt

Explanation: My weather app depicted today with lightening. This is a rare occurrence and the warning must be heeded. Result = rain boots. Yesterday, Blythe and I went to this earth day celebration up by the dorms and watched an hour of Planet Earth (WHICH IS INSANE), signed a petition to recycle at football games (they had some crazy statistic about how much waste is accumulated per season at the stadium), ate Sweet Tooth Fairy cupcakes, and got these free tshirts! They're pretty nifty, huh? Also, I'm trying to avoid doing laundry until right before I go home... haha

Anyway...Happy Earth Day! Go hug a tree, start a compost pile, plant a flower, throw away some hairspray, or buy me a hybrid car. :)

Day 1

Hello world,

I have decided to take on the 30 day challenge on facebook. However, I will attempt to keep things classy (as usual) and post this on my blog instead. Yes, you are meant to chuckle.

Day 1: Picture of yourself

There's really no story. Except that this is my post-haircut from Christmas break. And that is my Texas bathroom. I just don't take very many pictures of myself. 

As for my commentary of the day? Here's a thought: just because I am too physically and mentally exhausted to transport myself to a lavatory, does that make me lazy? I don't think so. I think it's sign that I am an overworked, stressed out, under-compensated college student. And a music student at that. If it was socially acceptable to live my life with a bed pan, I would. They could be popular. They could come in different colors, patterns, and materials. They could have seasonal decorations. Christmas lights and garland? Then no one would be forced to sit through an excruciatingly long class with an antsy bladder. We've all been there. And when our bodies are too exhausted to get up from our study sessions in the library...there will be no need. People pee in pools. And everyone is okay with that, because we've all been there, done that. Why should our lives on land be any different?

Points to ponder.

The audition of a lifetime!

For those of you that weren't aware, for the past 13 months, I have been gearing up for my audition for the Disney College Band. In short, it is an internship-like position, with a weekly stipend. Disney houses the band at the Resort, and they perform Tuesday-Saturday for roughly 8 hours a day. It's about an 11 week program over the summer, and I knew I would be competing for 1 of 2 spots in the band. That being said, I knew I was up for the challenge. I've never wanted anything so badly. (Except maybe to be in the BOA Honor Band for the Rose Parade in 2008/2009. But you get the idea.) 

Well, you guessed it. My audition was today! I arranged to have my sister and brother-in-law put me up for the weekend, and reserved the plane ticket. I flew into Burbank on Friday evening (with a brief layover in the beautiful Oakland! road trip now, please...) and have been hanging out with my adorable nephew all weekend. On to the actual audition!

We left not-so-bright and early this morning and journeyed to Anaheim. (Important note: I ingested 2 capsules of passionfruit under Blythe's prescription. Google it. It totally calms you down.) Finally, after some run-around to find the location of said audition, we ended up on "Cast Lane," waiting outside of some fancy, high security, yellow building that houses sacred secrets to the magic of Disney. Probably. But it did have 2 things I'd like to note for my own personal amusement:

1. Uptight old men, dressed as security guards. There's something non-threatening about official badges with Mickey Mouse ears on them, however. Not too intimidating. Try again, Disney.

2. MY FAVORITE SOAP. Now, if your name is either Blythe or Alyse, you know how much I have been obsessing about my favorite kind of soap for the last couple of days. To make a long story short, the big yellow building had it. I knew it was meant to be when I discovered it. Disneyland is truly magical.

So anyway, I was waiting with a growing group of auditionees for further instruction. Around 8:45 am, "Marie" came to get us. I liked her shoes. Her voice, however, was kind of similar to Kristen Chenowith's voice. High pitched, questionably peppy, and eventually just flat out annoying. She was definitely cute though. After counting us and getting us access past the Mickey Mouse Club security guards, she took us past the gate, where we stood some more. It was the epitome of "hurry up and wait." This is where I struck up a conversation with the horn player next to me. Not worth explaining - just know that we ended up hanging around me for the remainder of the day. He was a less awkward version of Stephen - a Clarinet player at the U, from American Fork. 

Eventually, we were herded farther backstage (to where I went back when I did the Rose Parade and the band performed at Disneyland, actually) and a nice loud man (named, Hans) debriefed us on where individual auditions would take place, how to sign up for them, and everything else we needed to know. Luckily, saxophones and horns/mellophones were in one room and everything else in another. This meant that our line was SIGNIFICANTLY shorter. I signed up for my time after Stephen's twin, which was 10:15. At this point, I had a little over an hour until my audition. People in the back of the other line got times as late as 3:30 pm. (As other people arrived, the times were later and later. When I left, the latest I knew of was 5 pm. And it was a girl from BYU! Crazy.) 

I chilled out, met some people (not past first names and schools), and waited to warm up. I was one of 4 horn players (at the time, at least) and the ONLY one that also brought a mellophone. A lot of auditionees came in groups from their respective schools. It reminded me a lot of region band in high school - everyone together in their cliques, sizing each other up, and pretending to care about fine details of strangers' lives. When there was a little over half an hour to my audition time, I went around the corner to the open parking lot that was designated for our warm up area to warm up and run through my music. Afterwards, I made a quick trip to the bathroom and also filled up my water bottle. I meandered back to the warm up area and gathered my instruments to head inside.

Waiting by the room, I witnessed the Stephen look-alike go into and come out of his audition. He was at 10 am, right before me. I wished him luck, etc. When he came back out, rather quickly, he looked very unhappy and attributed it to the fact that Rick (who auditioned us) didn't ask him to sight read anything. He assumed that meant he wasn't worth his time, and was obviously disappointed. It was really sad to see him. I wished him luck and tried to reassure him as I went in for my audition. 

I went in to the sound room, and Rick had stepped out for whatever reason. As I situated myself, I felt confident and tried to focus on being excited. This was the moment I had been waiting over a year for! I just needed to have fun, and let my enthusiasm show. There was a small collection of Wenger chairs in front of the stand, and I pushed them out of the way. I was going to stand. Rick came back, and asked me for my name, hometown, and school. As I mentioned the University of Utah, he rather unenthusiastically said, "oh, [pause] so you know Brian Sproul?" and I enthusiastically answered, "yes! I work very closely with him! I'm actually flying from here to Las Vegas to meet him for a basketball tournament." His responses skipped a few beats. He slowly told me about their camaraderie back east, and, to my surprise, mentioned his divorce - OF ALL THINGS. What?! But I nodded and shared his sad sentiments. Rick couldn't remember his wife's name, and I prompted him, "Marty" as he asked who has custody of Jeff! ...what?! I said that he is usually with Brian, but Marty still lives in the area, teaching junior high band. Anyway, after this odd exchange, I introduced the Mozart I was playing. Went through it, played Rhapsody in Blue, and then he stood up and walked around the room a little bit. I think he was going to move on, but then motioned to my mellophone as an afterthought - "Oh, did you want to play anything on your mellophone?" I answered that I had prepared some Stars and Stripes Forever, and proceeded to play some. He ended up motioning to me before I was actually done - which was totally fine. I take it that he didn't need to hear much more. He sets this MASSIVE binder on my stand for sight reading. Literally MASSIVE. He opened to an Earth Wind and Fire medley. Thankfully, I didn't bomb it. The second one was a mysterious piece with a questionable title. Weird syncopation. Different key. Awkward. The last one started off pretty poorly and eventually came out to "When you wish upon a star." Unfortunately, I missed the F# from the key, and he said "oh no. Mickey's not happy..." and pointed to the key. Even though sight reading was overall a little squirrelly, I smiled through it and tried to be charming.

After all the playing, he asked, "So how long is the flight out here?" Seemed like an unnecessary question to me. I'm sure he didn't really care. "I had a brief layover, but about 3 1/2 hours. Not too bad." He nodded, and then asked what I think was the perfect ending question - "and did you come with a group?" I answered with the negative, and was happy to report that it was just me. He nodded and possibly commended me for coming out by myself. I thanked him for his time and wished him a good day. 

And that was it. I was escorted out, and met back up with Dawn, John, and William. I feel really good about the whole situation. For everything I prepared, there's not a thing I would change. Sight reading really couldn't have gone any different. I wish I would have mentioned that I know Katy Stearns (whom he knows from 2009, and whom I know from high school) but I forgot. That's okay. I'm confident that I have a fair shot. And it was such a great feeling to be all alone, as silly as that sounds. Not knowing anyone there was such a strength to me. Just as Rick alluded to on my way out. There are so many coincidences and little tiny connections that I have noticed over the past year that make me feel like it's meant to be. Or if it's not quite meant to be, then it's at least now or never. 

I'll hear back in 2 weeks. 

Stay tuned. :)

Click here to find youtube videos about the audition process and to learn more about what the band actually does! 

Sleep patterns.

Here is my day in a nutshell:

6 am: Alarm goes off. Overall feeling = exhausted.

6:50 am: Emerge from bed. Overall feeling = exhausted and pissed to be awake.

7:30 am: First class of the day. Overall feeling = exhausted and apathetic.

11:35 am: Finally lunch time (if I'm lucky). Overall feeling = exhausted and stressed.

2 pm: Rehearsal. Literally falling asleep. Overall feeling = exhausted and senile.

4 pm: Done with rehearsals. Time to practice. Overall feeling = exhausted and unmotivated.

6 pm ish: Dinner/homework/sporting events and pep band. Overall feeling = exhausted.

11 pm: Get home. Overall feeling = awake and unproductive.

WHAT IS THIS?!

People, this is not okay. My generation suffers from a problem. Yes, every generation of college students before me has their midnight stories of fun and awesomeness. The problem with my generation is that instead of stories, we're ON FACEBOOK. Wasting precious time that should be spent earning our overpriced undergraduate degrees that serve merely as a stepping stone to any actual wage-earning degree. 

And here I sit. Blogging. I'm a walking example of this ridiculousness. I spend all day, every day, utterly spent, just wanting to come home and crawl in my bed. Now I've crawled in, and it's a joke. 

Absurd.